A Message to the non-depressed

I was not expecting to write another blog to quickly.. but after the reaction I got on the last one.. I want too. So I am!


I did a message to the depressed.. now its time for a message to the undepressed. Basically.. how we fuck up. every day. all the time. As always... take with an open mind. PLEASE feel free to comment and share. I eventually want to get to a point where this blog can be an open, nonjudgement zone for both sides of depression to communicate. That would be awesome.


SO FIRST.
We are Selfish


Yup. We are. I know we are, you know we are, so lets just say it. This whole blog, in a sense, is me being selfish. It's a fancy sugar-coated way of me going "PAY ATTENTION TO ME AND ALL MY FEEEEEELS". And that's okay. Everyone is entitled to be selfish in some aspect.


Here's how we are selfish. As a person suffering with depression... your brain is basically a big cluster fuck caused by a tornado of negative emotions and self doubt. And yet.. you are able to get up every day, go to work, pay the bills, take care of your children, and fake a smile. That itself deserves an Olympic gold medal. Yet.. the undepressed still want more. We want you to take into consideration how your overwhelming sadness affects us and try to help us understand/help you. I realize that my last blog contradicts this. But its true. Both sides have a point.


On top of all this, if your depression also includes suicide.. the only reason you are still walking and talking is mostly because of the people around you. If you didn't think that ending your life would hurt those around you, you would have done it a long time ago. And I understand that, please don't think I don't recognize the amount of strength it takes to do what  you do. So to my non-depressed... keep that in my mind. You are selfish too. Its not necessarily unjustified.. we are just as, if not more, selfish than our depressed counterparts. They unselfishly continue to live in a state of constant sadness for us because they know we need them.


We kind of suck a lot of the time


As mentioned in the previous blog, we really have no idea what we are doing. Therefore, we make a lot of mistakes along the way. This includes saying the wrong things. For instance..


-"But you have so much going for you! You have your family, house, etc etc etc word vomit and more word vomit"


Yeah. They may have all that. But that doesn't change a god damn thing about how they feel. And pointing that out will probably only make them feel worse because then they will also feel guilty about being depressed. That's like telling a cancer patient, "but you cant die! you have so much going for you" - "Oh alright.. Let me just turn this off and be completely healthy!". The world doesn't work that way. It's not a choice.


-"Just get over it! You have to choose to be happy to be happy"


Biggest load of shit ever. For us non-depressed.. it may work. I know I can adjust my mood pretty easily. If I'm having a bad day, I can go 'Okay.. just put a smile on and pretend its a good day'. And it normally works. This is not how it works for the depressed. IT IS NOT A CHOICE. No one wants to be depressed. Why would they? It's awful. So we need to stop saying this right now.


We really don't understand.


We sometimes pretend that we understand what you are going through. But that's all a big fat lie. We don't. And we need to stop pretending we do. It doesn't help anyone. It is hell enough being depressed, but trying to explain what it is like being depressed is extremely frustrating (I can imagine). So instead of trying to understand what it is like to be depressed, we should focus on how we can help the person who is depressed. That seems a lot more logical doesn't it?


Don't Lie


We lie just as much as a our depressed loved ones. We lie to your face about how we feel and what we think. In my last post, I asked the depressed folks to not do that. And now I'm asking myself and everyone else too. I started this blog for that purpose exactly. Could saying outright "yeah that fucking hurts" cause more heart ache and fighting initially? Absolutely. But in the long run, honesty is always better.


How is it helpful when I have someone look me in the eye and tell they want to off themselves and I don't react? They need to know we care, even if said caring leads to us being hurt. They deserve to know the truth if they are letting us in. It's not a one way street. If they open up to you, you better open up to them.


There is plenty more I could write about how we fuck up. But this is just a quick over view before I go to work. Hopefully those who reacted badly to my last blog will now see that I am fully aware its us as well.


First step to getting better is admitting your own faults. So lets all agree that we mess up all the time. and help each other move foward